pagefourteen: the milestone chapters ahead

after my exams in May it would be another chapter.

when I arrive in UK it would be another chapter.

after my exams in 2011 May it would be another chapter.

the crossroads where I decide where to continue by bar exams would be another chapter. (english, singapore or malaysian bar)

during my attachment would be one fun chapter.

after my attachment would be another chapter. (till then, I shall get back to you on what are the plans)

pagethirteen

12 days ago was my birthday

2 days ago dad pissed me off AGAIN.

20 hrs ago I think he did the same when he called me. (and I told him, "Can I rest?")
[note an estimated 20, so that it would be a consistent 2 with the two above there]

2 days later I should better had FOUND my scholarship. (wonder whether this is Future Perfect Tense in proper use)

2 weeks later I would be slightly richer and should put my first f.d. into the bank account, though I might only earn RM20 out of it.

what is most important now is:-
1) SCHOLARSHIP
2) STUDIES

pagetwelve: newyear

time for resolutions

1) top my batch for law (be the first part timer who owns all the full timers)
2) save money - start FD account, some long term unit trust/shares
3) guitar
4) ice skating

pageeleven: happiest day

I'll only remember of the happiest day of my life when I'm living through tough times.

Listening to Hybrid, and being ignorant to the sound of every thought and the thought of every sound - totally blissful.

pageten:

I really am such an optimist. Maybe that's why people come to me with negativity and hope to be provided with a solution, an optimistic solution.

Why do I blog this way? Is it because, I've absorb all of their negativity and I don't realise it? And blogging is just a way for me to realise these thoughts?

So much as happened around me, but not to me these few days. Well maybe there are things happening to me, just that I'm not noting them. Actually, to come to think of it, I've been having a lot of fun myself. I just forgot about the blessings, which I have to count.

Dear Diary, did I tell you that I miss PAPland very much? I really want to be there with my friends. I don't even know whether they still remember me. And whether we can still have as much fun together.
I am also embarrassed to go back, all the guys though in NS have cars. And they are....they are... and I am... fuck it.

************maybe it's just the lack of sleep. (that's why I'm like this)
try again tmr.

page: THE TORN & CRUSHED PAGE

I look at yours, I look at mine.
Again, I look at mine and realise, that mine's not good enough.

Yours is better.

I can tell you're the smart/intelligent type, I know your type well. I can smell it from afar.
Maybe it's not the smell, but the drips of sour jealousy, drained inside of me.
My outside smiled, my insides grimaced.

It is not the smell, I just detact the corrosion of my ego when I taste some one like you.
My shiny-esteem rusts away as you shelved, cataloged and decorated my scattered, messy thoughts.

---

I don't think anyone should be reading my blog. I don't know whether it's me or it's a normal thing to do. I don't write so flamboyantly in my diary, but the fact that I know someone I don't know my stumble upon this; I consciously write better.

At the same time, I want to put things in codes, so that those whom I know who chance upon this would not know that I'm talking about them. (Yes, now I'm talking about you)

I have no idea why I'm so optimistic in real life, but as a blogger I'm such a pessimist. And it seems like I'm complaining about everything.

I just can't blog about happy things. Though when I'm viewing them, I find them entertaining. But to have those ideas of funny blogposts to arise naturally, no. I don't have those.

I have these. EMO SHITS.