This is not the first time where I feel this.
It's so painful having nothing to look forward to. When there is nothing to look forward to, there is no excitement. When there is no excitement, the funny chemical stuffs does not get sent to my brain. Ahh. adrenaline, endorphines, what else?
When there is no deadline, or the deadline just does not impose that sense of urgency, it is as good as not living at all.
I was really feeling this during the 5 going 6 days when I was rotting in Kuantan, waiting for my German class in KL to start. Now I'm feeling it again, as I know the fact that DG is not coming and I've officially wasted my time. Well not totally waste of time, because I've finshed the Acts and Omissions part of the Actus Reus. And there is free air-con and I get to look good in my shirt and tie. Hmm. I guess that's a sense of purpose as well. It's much better than being at home, with the temptation of tv, incessant talk that interupts from my aunt and all the other distractions. And it is of course better to be in working clothes rather than my PJs the whole day.
Let me tell you (or remind myself, for that matter) what's worse than having no purpose in life.
When life is filled with rejections and there is no clear motivation. So you feel like SHIT. When you know there is no end to it, where there is no destination in the first place AND you still get rejected or ignored. It feels like I have found the deepest of the valleys and the darkest of the shadows suffocates and blinds me.
I just realised, maybe I'm in denial. Maybe there is a vague goal / destination in mind which I really desire. And the rejection / ignorance makes me feel terrible.
Does anyone else feels the way I do? or am I just the creep crawling on this unaccepting face of the earth?
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